im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
i've created a new STD.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
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