where am i from again
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
