i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Randomize
