I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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