I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
