I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
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