you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
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