Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
