I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
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