not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
i barfeds in our rink
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
My vagina just clenched in fear
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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