We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
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