I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
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