six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
