Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(419): View more from Ohio

mustard is like jesus in yellow tights

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(678): View more from Georgia

I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"

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(816): View more from Missouri

Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie

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(216): View more from Ohio

Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.

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(303): View more from Colorado

They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.

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(810): View more from Michigan

maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.

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(530): View more from California

he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.

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(310): View more from California

I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.

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(618): View more from Illinois

Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH

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