you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Randomize
