So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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