Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
