You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
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