I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
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