if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
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