and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
