how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
