I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Bang-toberfest begins!!
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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