My liver just broke up with me...
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
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