Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
