Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Randomize
