that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
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