Pants 0. Shit 1.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
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