I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
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