i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
