clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Randomize
