You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize