There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Even my vagina gasped.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Randomize
