Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Randomize
