The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
