I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
