I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
