I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
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