No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I need a hoe opinion
go on
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
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