hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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