We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
if only i could text you this smell
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
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