So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Randomize
