All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
