I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Randomize
