I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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