Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Randomize
