masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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