i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Randomize
