I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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