I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Randomize
