The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Randomize
