Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
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