I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
