we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Randomize
