I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Randomize
