So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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