I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
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