dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
