i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Randomize
