Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
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