i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
The air was thick with penises
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
There are leaves in my underwear?
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