I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize
