I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
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