Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
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you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
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