I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
