i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
