Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
