She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
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