the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Randomize
