Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
