my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
