remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
These tits shall not be calmed
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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