Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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