note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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