Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Randomize
