I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
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