Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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