She is in my trunk
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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